October 29th, 2009 at 9:52 AM
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It has been awhile since my last post. I’m supposed to be doing this daily, and haven’t been making the time for myself. That would make me a complete and utter slacker. I will be making time to do so from here forward.
Yesterday, my brother, Troy Chandler, called me from The Tuscon Hospital. My adoptive mother, Sharon Lott, had been admitted in for surgery and was now in the Intensive Care Unit. A portion of her colon had decided to die, and was going septic, so it was removed. She has been intubated for approximately 48 hours now, and the Nurse, Kelly, said she would be fine.
We made the effort to see her, and drove all the way up to Tuscon (Yes, up – It is a higher elevation that Phoenix). It was a long drive, with few issues along the way (Gas, Tire PSI, Food, Etc…). After we got down there, she was asleep. She had been visited Troy all day, and was in desperate need of rest, so I let her be. Kayla and I gave our information to the nurse, and stayed in town for about an hour, checking out the local Petsmart before heading home.
Home was a fun Trip. Decided to takeAZ SR-87 back into Queen Creek so that I could put my kids to bed. Yeah. Googlemaps FAIL. That’s all there is to say about that.
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On Tuesday, Mike and I went to see the Veterans Administration. Axinia Shade is the name of the person that we spoke with. She’s a cute little devil, and I think Kayla would enjoy meeting her. She helped me start the paperwork process. I have documents I need to fill out, but for the most part it’s now just a waiting game.
And, for the record, I’d like to remark that @Brevemike has pretty much been a hero to me throughout this whole process. Despite his own stuff going on, he has been here to help me every step of the way. Thank you, Mike.
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I have put in buttloads of applications to a lot of places. There are not many places looking for someone with my sort of talents without having their MCSE. Note to self: Go get your MCSE. As of right now, I am jobless. We are in the process of moving into a new apartment, and I have no way to pay for anything. .seething hatred. I was dumb to give up my job at GoDaddy to pursue other options without checking with current employees. Won’t be making that mistake again.
I have one, count it, one interview today. I had one interview last week. No call backs. Nothing. .sadface. I am normally the king of getting callbacks. Not sure what’s going on.
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Due to my inability to get callbacks, I am thinking the project that Leo and Henry thought of is probably a bad idea. The idea was for me to write resumes for a living. I used to be particularly good at writing resumes and sending out advice to get the job. I’m thinking my skillset may have faded. We shall see.
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My kids are growing up so freaking fast. It’s amazing. Luciene speaks in full sentences and wears underwear now, using the bathroom appropriately. Amaris is so eager to learn and please. I can’t wait until we all get moved in together. I’m really going to miss Jay and Moe babysitting, but hopefully we can get my job situation smoothed out quickly and they won’t have to stop for too long of a time.
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We had to put Jane down on the 27th. We couldn’t afford the hospital euthanasia, so we had to do it at home. It was not hard, and she passed without any perceived pain. Kayla doped her up on painkillers, and then we used CO2 to put her down. She had tumors the size of golfballs on her hip, and was could not make it up the ramp to her food, or her wheel. Her eye had hemorrhaged and bulged out of socket, and she could barely walk. I think we did what was necessary.
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Sara (Ivy) has been really nice to me lately. It is a pleasant change of pace. We’ve been getting along well, and I hope this continues. It will make the divorce and raising the children in two separate households a large amount easier for the both of us.
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I’ve been missing out on my friends lately. Mostly because I’ve been busy jobhunting or doing the stuff with the kids. I need to go out of my way to see my friends, and apologize to them. I miss them.
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So, on Sunday of last week, I spent two hours driving back and forth to work and home having a panic attack and full on hallucinations. It was horrid. I have yet to go back. I’m pretty sure I’ve been fired. No notice of that yet.
As well, the stupid pricks at their HR signed me up for medical coverage, despite my telling them that I ABSOLUTELY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, wish to have insurance. Why? Because it’s $300 freaking dollars. And no, not monthly. $300 a paycheck. That’s freaking UNWARRANTED ANAL SEX WITHOUT LUBE!
Uggh… I hate corporations. They all need to burn in hell.
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Oh, and one more thing – How does one communicate that putting a litter box in a children’s room is a bad idea to someone that doesn’t have children? Food for thought, lol…
Ok, all done now.
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October 24th, 2009 at 8:09 PM
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So, in case you’ve missed it, I have had a horrible week.
I got deposits due for the new apartment on the 31st, totaling around $900. I missed almost a full week of work last week due to stress and hallucinations at work, and I’m most likely going to lose my job, if I don’t flip out an kill someone first. Namely, my supervisor at work. He’s an idiot. I don’t mean that in the, he’s a Superviso, so he must be an idiot sort of way, either. No, He’s a special sort of idiot.
I’m about to lose my car, due to inability to pay for it. I’m having these migraines that are killing me, and the Vicodin is not cutting it. My mind can’t stay on focus. Example? It took me two days to write this blog. I freak out before I go to work every morning, I usually sob like a hungering baby after the teat the entire way to work. Then, when I get there, I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me, and being critical. I know they’re not, but I can’t shake the paranoia. Between that, and the constant second guessing myself because of the hallucinations, I feel like just sitting in bed and rocking back and forth all day.
My allergies have been kicking my ass all week. I was puking in the shower last night. It was…. fantastic.
so, ummmm… good news!
Let’s see: Kayla’s stuff is worked out with her Short Term Claim … Mostly… YAY!
Moving into the new place! YAY!
Get to re-establish friendship that I’ve missed over the past 5 years. YAY!
Finally get to spend more time with my kids, and without adding freaking stress to Kayla. YAY!
Mike is helping me file for my divorce paperwork,
And last, but definately not least:
Mike and I are going to the VA to start the claim stuff on Tuesday, at 8:30 AM. YAY!
So yeah, that’s a list of stuff for the week.
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Now, because Kayla has asked me repeatedly to tell ehr about the hallucinations I’ve had this week:
All the desks at work were filled with people that looked the exact same. They turned in unison and looked at me. I ran to the bathroom, promptly vomited.
While driving to work, I swirved to avoid a large dinosaur’s foot. Yeah. ’nuff said.
I’ve been seeing a lot of cars that I don’t think are really there, because their driving habits don’t seem normal, but I’m not going to just plow through them, incase they are real, so I end up going like 30 on the freeway.
I watched a whole episode of Samurai Jack. At midnight. Yeah. Samurai Jack isn’t on at midnight.
Anyways, my thoughts are still all jumbled, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense.
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October 21st, 2009 at 7:07 PM
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Fuck You, Echostar, and your damn inability to do anything correctly, or morally right.
Fuck You, Benjamin Sanders, for being a corporate, paper-pushing whore who doesn’t seem to know an antenna from an antennae.
Fuck You, Dish Networks, for having a computer system so fucking ass-backwards that it causes it’s own issues.
Fuck You, Third Party Software Developer that can’t seem to pull your head out of your ass long enough to write decent software.
Fuck You, Corporate Asshats, for not having the company develop their own software and outsourcing it to “save money.”
Double Fuck You, Corporate Asshats, for not adjusting the hours for the national call volume properly. How long have you been around?!??
Fuck You, Human Resources, for outright lying to your employees and not knowing how to take ownership of your fucking mistakes.
Fuck You, Arizona Court System, for making divorce so god damned expensive and time consuming.
Fuck You, Department of Economic Security, for making it so difficult to get assistance for people who need it.
Fuck You, Veterans Affairs, for taking 2 years to answer the phone.
Fuck You, Ray Chavez, for making me insecure and ruining my girlfriends confidence. It’s personal now.
Fuck You, US ARMY CPT Jackass from SVC 2/5th FA, for fucking up my DD-214.
Fuck You, Society.
Fuck You All.
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October 19th, 2009 at 11:17 AM
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The kids spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with Kayla. Kayla watched the kids by herself on Sunday morning while I was at work. She did a good job, for as frazzled as the kids made her.
Now, before you look back and think, Jeeze jimbo, it was just a weekend, bear this in mind: She is out on Short Term for stress, and she watched your kids. Not just any kids, but the kids that you raised and love. That’s quite a lot, and she did extremely well. So this deserves a firm KUDOS!
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Breve Mike is helping me out. He is a Godsend. He’s helping me with my VA stuffs, and my divorce, and filing for disability. He is the Awesome. And he drinks coffee! Lots of Coffee! Sweet!
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Kayla’s STD was just approved. Huzzah! We will have enough money to move. Then pay off car and return to school. This makes me happy. Very Happy.
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Hallucinations are as bad for the past week as they have been. I think my brain finally just quit. You cannot hallucinate if you cannot think, right? LOL.
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Kayla had a fun idea the other night: We went to the pumpkin patch. Will probably post pictures tomorrow. Not many, but it was fun. We bought what had to be a 15 pound pumpkin, and carved it. Kayla made Pumpkin Seeds, and they were yum! The pumpkin has two faces: Luciene wanted an Angry face and Amaris wanted a sad face.
As a side note, I accidentally dialed the wrong number when I tried to call the farm to find out if they take debit cards. I asked if I had reached Mother Nature’s Farm Pumpkin Patch, and the person who answered said no, but that he got a good pumpkin at Fry’s. .grin.
Amaris also went with Kayla to get her face painted on Saturday. They apparently had a blast. I’m glad they enjoyed each other’s company. Amaris cries for her so much when we leave, she hates leaving Kayla behind. Sometimes, it scares me how invested my kids are in Kayla. But, in the end, I know that she’d never intentionally hurt them.
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I am slowly evolving back into myself. I’m not depressed as often, and everything seems to be going according to plan.
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So, oddly enough, I finally recovered my box of old letters. Once we’re moved and the new printer is connected, I will be scanning in all the letters for all to see. Hooray for online archives!
Until then, enjoy this old School Assignment that I turned in for 9th grade World Religious Studies.
Read the rest of this entry »
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October 12th, 2009 at 1:58 PM
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So, my big thing for today is, I need help. I keep missing work. Bad juju. I’m scared I won’t have enough for my kids. Worse Juju. I’m afraid I’ll lose my job. Worst Juju.
I spent the majority of the time my kids were napping today looking for help.
I need:
1.) Financial assistance for myself and the children for housing.
2.) Financial assistance for myself and the children for food and clothing.
3.) Medical assistance for myself and my children.
Now here are the obstacles to overcome:
1.) Still married, despite being a single father.
2.) Changing jobs, so getting health coverage is damn near impossible for myself.
3.) I have no idea where to even begin looking for help.
4.) Most of the programs I have found, I have to wait until I’m moved or the divorce is completed.
Here is my plan so far:
1.) Checked out the Benefits at GovBenefits.Gov, obtained paperwork for AHCCCS.
2.) Googled for mental healthcare: Finding a big fat lot of nothing.
3.) Contact people about Veterans Benefits and Disability, find out how to file.
4.) Send a letter for information to LoveLine on things available to help people with mental illnesses that completely interrupt work and make it difficult to obtain and keep employment.
At this point, I am open to suggestions. Any suggestions. All Suggestions.
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October 10th, 2009 at 7:23 PM
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Wow. Talk about stressful. Move is coming up, and I have noooooo money, honey. Kayla and I are working together to get this taken care of. She has been so tripped out at work that she had to go out on Short Term. On Tuesday, I’m going to start filing my forms for disability. Too much to deal with for the past week, but it seems like everything is going to work out.
In Order:
1.) Missed a large amount of days due to personal issues, stress, and hallucinations.
2.) Kayla had a breakdown due to work stress, went out on Short Term
3.) Doctor’s administrative assistant yanked her around on what was owed for filling out the paperwork
4.) Discussed bills with Sara, Advised that we will be REALLY short and electric might get turned off on her.
5.) Still waiting on a callback from Homar, the person getting me the apartment at San Clemente Apartments.
And the rest, in no particular order:
-Re-established friendship with/Had good conversation/snuggles with Monica
-Took a trip to the local Farmer’s Market
-Kayla had her first day with the kids alone, and it went well. Very Well.
-Sara was REALLY nice to me, despite being informed of the worst possible situation
-Kids have spent the night at Kayla’s twice now, and once while we were both super-stressed. (It went great!)
-Leo is learning Greek, and seems to be doing fairly well.
-Completed Design of Leo’s Website: INeedTuition.Org. Go make a donation to him, he’s broke!
-Stephanie got her shop! Check out my sister’s bakery: TheVintageOven.com
-Met a spiffy, self-proclaimed “Geek” out in Gilbert. I liked him alot. He had a Korg 770. A/V nerds out there, go change your pants.
I think that about covers it, mostly because I can’t remember anything lately.
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